Tag Archives: faith

Mar5

How Fear Leads Into Grace

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How Fear Leads Into Grace

I love the song, “If I Say,” by Mumford and Sons. This song speaks of love, loss, understanding, acceptance, and questions the human psyche. One of the most poignant quotes of this heartfelt song (to me) is, “The Soul survives, but peace you’ll never find…” How earth-shattering is that phrase, I ask you?

I have always struggled with the word “fear.” I have feared failure, feared death, feared love, feared loss, and the list just goes on and on. In the past, fear has affected my physical health, my mental health, and my ability to find my own truth. Fear has driven me to the edge of so many cliffs during the former part of my life, causing me to have missed out on so many great opportunities simply because I was “afraid.” Looking back now, I am regretful with myself for letting fear get the best of me, but I have also learned to find that silver lining in what I uncovered within me because I have worked so hard to eliminate fear as a ruling hand in my life.

Fear has commonly been used throughout time since the world saw its first ray of sunlight. It has been used to drive people to do unthinkable things in society. Fear has been used to evoke emotional reactions. And it’s been used to force people into negative situations. If you look at history, the world is filled with instances of how fear has been attributed to the actions and behaviors of others. From biblical times, to World Wars, and eventually within the height of social media, fear has been about control. It has been about ownership of someone or something else. It has been about controlling someone’s narrative in life. We see this today all over television and the internet. We also see it in personal relationships, domestic situations, and in countries trying to squash ideologies. Fear is one of the most negative emotions within the human spirit. Most are held in shackles to its immense presence, freezing the body in place. And yet, there are times when an individual can look fear in the face and find strength to push back.

l have spent a lot of time and effort learning to overcome fear in life. Between therapy sessions, self-help books, and countless scriptures, I have made headway into overcoming fear. But lately, it has reared its ugly head again. It has gripped me so hard at times, I feel my own breath stop. It has sent me into some of the darkest mental places to the point of making me physically ill the minute my eyes open in the morning. So how does one surface in the ocean of despair and find the light of calmness?

It begins with one word: Grace.

I have written before how grace is a true gift from Heaven. Grace is what we all need when we are trying to deal with fear, or any other emotion for that matter. It gives us the space we need to catch our breath, to sigh with relief and know peace can and will find its way towards us. Grace is the “golden ticket” because it embraces the faults and failures we experience in life, offering solace in the notion that we are imperfect individuals. We are all battling our own wars against things in this life. Grace allows us to have the freedom to become the victor, to make our personal surrender to our future and start anew with the next sunrise. Grace can bring calmness, or it can bring much needed change. Grace can lay a soothing hand in a moment of unthinkable despair because it provides space for healing. Grace is not about regret for things in the past, but more about letting go and learning to live again. Grace is about finding oneself at this point in life, and learning to love the newest spaces we end up encompassing.

I have had to learn how to welcome grace into my life. I have had to teach myself that mistakes and imperfections are some of the softest threads weaving themselves into the fabric of my soul. I have always told my children when they are upset about some sort of fear in their life how we are all going to mess up. There was only one perfect human to ever walk this earth, and He is guiding us each and every day through the mistakes we have made and will make because we are not perfect people. We are just trying to live the best we can with what we are given each day. Struggles are real for all of us, so remember no one person is exempt. That, my dear readers, is the beautiful web of life we weave each and every day. The relationships we forage create a sense of belonging to this notion that grace can get us through it together. It comes down to self-reflection and understanding how to accept imperfection. I hope reading my own struggles with fear and my newfound ability to accept grace into my life helps those of you out there fighting your own battles. Dust yourself off after the fall from your fear, and know you are not alone. You are amongst the rest of us still struggling everyday to find that “golden ticket” to mental wellbeing and personal peace.

I love quotes, and here are a few that I have saved to share with you:

“Be patient with yourself. You are growing stronger every day. The weight of the world will become lighter…and you will begin to shine brighter. Don’t give up.” -Robert Tew

“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.” -Steve Maraboli

“‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

Until next time,

Cheers

Jan16

Abandoning the Expectations of Others to Save Yourself

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Abandoning the Expectations of Others to Save Yourself

I did a personality test last year at the encouragement of my therapist. For those of you who have never taken a personality test, I highly recommend it. My two favorites are Myers-Briggs and the Enneogram. The test I took this time was the Meyer-Briggs personality text, and I came out with a hard core E.N.F.P. personality score.

E.N.F.P. stands for Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving. When I read the descriptions, I wanted it tattooed all over my body so people would truly understand me to the fullest extent. I am a people person to the core, and have the ability to tell when others are hurting, anxious, or just “off.”

The problem I face with this personality is I often let way too many people into my personal “hula hoop,” which causes myself to become mentally drained quicker than most individuals. Another downfall to being an ENFP is the need to have approval and acceptance from others. It causes me to overthink situations and become overly emotional.

Understanding this about myself has truly been a blessing in disguise because it has helped me recognize the cracks in my own mental health. My mental health has taken a pretty big dive over the last few years, leading me into some dark spaces of self-loathing and despair. I chose to write about this and openly talk about it to highlight the importance of good mental health for society.

There is nothing shameful or degrading about admitting and understanding our own mental health struggles. It is quite the opposite, in fact. It shows strength of character to openly admit our mental struggles and weaknesses, and to be willing to ask for help in overcoming it. We have seen way too many people struggle with depression, suicidal thoughts, and destructive behaviors because of major cracks existing within our mental heath.

My journey of overcoming my mental health struggles has led me to tremendous self-growth and the ability to abandon the expectations of others without abandoning myself in the process. It has been a long hard two years of work on me, learning how to truly believe in myself and the person that beckons to be seen and heard at 45 years old.

Do I still draw strength and love from people around me? Absolutely. My tribe is strong and true to me, and they love me for the person I am inside my mind and heart. But, the biggest change I have seen is finding ways to draw strength from within, seek divine guidance, and continuously teaching myself ways to rely on ME and the strengths God has given me.

Learning how to give yourself personal high fives should be celebrated, not condoned. There is a huge difference between loving who you are and all God wants you to be versus total narcissistic behaviors. People are often too quick to judge others because they don’t recognize the difference. Perhaps it is because these individuals are too jaded by the world, ignorant and too accepting of gossipy words, or just plain frightened of looking themselves in the mirror.

Mistakes are a part of life, and forgiveness and grace are true gifts from Heaven. So is the ability to let go of everyone’s expectations so you have the chance to see what your beautiful soul can accomplish. We are all just caterpillars wanting and learning how to become beautiful butterflies.

Until next time,

Cheers

Mar20

You Try, I Try, We all Try

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You Try, I Try, We all Try

Have you ever thought about the word “try?” It’s a simple word, no vowels needed, but the power it holds is immense. I woke up early this morning thinking about this word and how it molds and shapes my life. It’s impactful because it’s used every single day by pretty much most of us walking this earth.

When we use the word “try” in a sentence, it tells our audience we are forcing an action of sorts. We can “try” and do better with our jobs. We can “try” and do better with our relationships. We can “try” and do better with who we are and how we live. But the one common thread that runs through any of these scenarios is the type of action taken which causes us to change who and what we are in life. But what if we thought of a different word, one that only has two letters. One that actually uses a consonant and a vowel to show action. What if we focused on the word “Be?”

One of my favorite verses in the Bible from the book of Psalms is “Be Still and know I am God.” In this one simple phrase God is not telling us to “Try” and know Him. He is telling us to stop, in whatever we are doing, in whomever we are as a person, in whatever facet of life we find ourselves, and simply “be.” It’s so impactful when you put the two words together because it shows just how much merit we hold in one word versus the other. And yet, if we just worked on the shortest one, life might behold a more feasible solution.

The word “try” tells us to be better, to do better, because at that moment we hold failure. I never truly understood the negativity that can come from something so simple until I found myself constantly using it on my own person. I failed at this, so I must “try” and change. I am constantly doing this wrong, so I must “try” and find a different solution. I need to “try” and reach higher to better myself. We see this interpersonal conversation with so many things in life. Think about athletes on any level, amateur or professional, and see how often the word “try” is intwined in their daily routine. “Try” harder to make the play, to beat your time, to win the game. We create such a negative connotation for something that could be intended for the positive. Maybe that is why I feel the word “be” should be used more in life.

I know it won’t fit every scenario for those of you out there living in a “this or that,” “right or wrong,” “black or white” kind of world, and you most likely disagree with what I am saying. But for those of us that live in shades of grey, who realize not everything is so concrete, the way we use these two words can change EVERYTHING. It can change how we view ourselves, how we love ourselves and the imperfect way God created us by simply “being” instead of always “trying.”

So as you move through your day today, and every day forward, I just want you to simply think about these two words and how you allow them to shape your life. Because sometimes if you don’t stop and “be” you will continue to always search for the “try.”

Until next time,

Cheers

Sep15

Cracks of Imperfection

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I love to run outside.  There is something therapeutic and detoxifying about running with nature all around you.  With music pumping in my ears and the wind in my face, a cacophony of melodies one can’t find on a treadmill is suddenly formed all around me.

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The other day I was running, and when I do run I let my mind open up freely to explore all kinds of thoughts and feelings. One thing that kept popping up in my brain was all the cracks and crevices I run beside on the streets.  It made me think of how we, as in our inner self, are cracked in just the same way as that pavement.  Pressures of life often break through our concrete wall of self-assurance and positivity.  We are all imperfect people striving to lead a perfect life, and along the way we acquire some pretty big potholes to show for it.  But there is beauty in those imperfections too.  They are learning curves, they are life experiences, they are tears of pain and joy.  But most of all they are the things that make us who we are today, right now.

Self-Reflection is one of the healthiest things we can do for ourselves because it permits us to look at those “cracks” we have made over time, see the good, the bad, and the ugly with them, then try and heal from it.  Whatever you see when you look in the mirror, whatever “cracks” you have staring back at you, know that those are teachable moments in life.  They might be mistakes made or things that happen to us which are out of our control.  But remember that Love and Hope are greater powers than Negativity and Self-Destruction.  Know that something higher out there is holding you up (for me that is Jesus), helping you along the way through this crazy thing we call “Life.”

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(Photo by Becca Lavin on Unsplash)

So the next time you see a large crack in the pavement, recognize what it took to get there.  And relish in the fact that, even though the crack exist, the Foundation is still standing strong and holding up to the environment around it.

 

Until next time,

Cheers

Mar28

The Juxtaposition of Jesus’ Love

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Do you have a favorite wall in your house, apartment, room, or whatever?  A wall that displays pictures, paintings, or trinkets of some kind which hold value to you?  I have a favorite wall in my house.  It’s in my kitchen and I catch myself stopping to look at it every once in a while.  Adorning the wall are pictures of me with my parents, my kids, my husband, and his extended family.  It also has a framed collage of wine labels I have drunk with my dad in years past.  And to round it out is one of my favorite bible verses, Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God.”

I love this wall because I feel it describes me, the things I cherish in this world, and the memories I have to hold onto for the rest of my life.  As we are knee-deep in Holy Week, I have given thought to a lot of messages on the love of Jesus and how it is THE most important thing in this world.  And I completely agree with this-I know it to be true. Sometimes it is so hard for our human minds to even fathom that kind of love, but I am learning to trust in it and to follow it whole-heartedly.  I sometimes feel like my children, who learn religion in school every day.  I am taking faith one day at the time, learning to not overwhelm myself.  Not growing up in a house that attended church regularly, sometimes the concepts I hear coming from scripture boggle my gray matter.  So I do this; I journal and flesh things out on my laptop.

I have heard some preach before how things in this world are just that, things.  They are objects we can’t take with us to Heaven.  Spending too much time focusing on them separates us from Jesus because we open ourselves up to harboring love and adoration for simple objects.  And apparently the same can be said of the relationships we hold close with people.  They do not come before our relationship with Jesus Christ.  So as I look upon my favorite wall and gaze on those things I do hold dear in this world, I find myself wondering how am I supposed to separate those loves?  How do I distinguish between the love I have for Jesus and the love I have for my family?  Are they one in the same?  Am I loving one more than the other?  Do I feel Jesus gets angered when we extol love for those blessings He gives us?

No, I don’t think He gets upset, but I do find myself constantly thinking about how I am supposed to reflect upon this notion.  It becomes a cycle, much like the convection cycle my daughter is learning about in science class right now.

This process stirred last night in my head as I again passed by my favorite wall after cleaning up dinner.  And then I realized I am not being forced to choose here.  I am not being forced to love one over the other.  Instead, I am to know that my blessings bestowed on me are given BY Jesus.  It is my responsibility to acknowledge thanks and praise for the “objects,” it is my duty as a parent to raise my children in a Christ-centered home, and it is by grace that I have so many wonderful memories to smile fondly upon, especially when some of those people are no longer with me on earth.  The love of Jesus endures for me because of what He did this particular week.

As I tend to do, I get encompassed in thought and over-analyze myself.  It’s what made me so good at figuring out the meaning behind speeches, books, etc., in college.  But just when I get too close to the edge, something in me stirs and says to “Be still and know that I am God,” so don’t make a mountain out of a molehill.  You see now why that’s my favorite verse because it keeps me grounded, makes me stop and listen instead of barreling ahead with ideas and notions.

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If you are celebrating Holy Week this month, perhaps you can relate to this constant internal struggle when it comes to growing in faith and growing in knowing ourselves.  If not, this can certainly be applicable to other areas of spirituality.  Because, you see, we all have moments in life that make us stop and ponder, no matter what spiritual place we call home.  If we are really looking through the right lens of life, we should see our kismet, or destiny, a little bit clearer.

Until next time,
Cheers

Feb13

Seasons of Change

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I recently listened to someone talk on how life is very much like the seasons we experience during the year.  They change, and with those changes come good moments and hard moments.  As I sat there listening to this person speaking, I couldn’t help but think about the seasons of my own life and what I learned from each change.  I am about to honor a very tough season of my life, the season where I lost my father six years ago.  February 15 will never be the same for me because my life was altered so drastically.  I can’t honestly say I learned very much during the first few years of that “season.”  I was grieving for the loss of someone I loved dearly and relied heavily on for advice and guidance.  But now that season has passed, the pain has dimmed a bit, and now I can survive the day and smile when I think of all the awesome memories my father and I shared together.

I also thought about the season of entering a new decade.  As I approach 40, I get a little nostalgic about my thirties.  It has been an amazing decade, full of highs and lows that make up the river of life.  But I can honestly say, as I come upon the crest of  a new season, I lived life well in my thirties and I hope to continue to do the same during my forties.  I know the road will have potholes, but there will also be periods of smooth sailing.  It’s life, and not every season is going to be full of promises.

As I sat in my seat and continued to reminisce on days gone by, I felt challenged by my faith to ask myself how God has worked through me and in me during these various seasons.  Was there anything I learned to help others through their own seasons?  Did I find out a little more about myself?  Do I fully comprehend who I continue to evolve into as time marches on?  I may be none-the-wiser based on the triumphs and tribulations which have made up my life, but I do know my own seasons have molded me into the wife, the mother, the daughter, and the friend I am today.

I think we all need to stop and surmise about our life, how we are living it, and what we can do to change things we see wrong.  Let’s celebrate with others when they have successful seasons or shore up those whose seasons leave them crumpled on the floor.  It’s amazing what you can discover about yourself when you engage in a little self-reflection.  Sometimes the biggest epiphanies can happen when you stop and take in the season.

I remember what my father used to tell me growing up; he would say to me, “Sweetpea, life is full of choices.  So make sure before you make a choice you think about how you will feel when you look at yourself in the mirror.  If you can look your own self in the eye and be okay with what you see, then you must be doing something right.”  So, that is how I live each day, keeping myself in check with who I want to see staring back at me as I maneuver through life’s seasons.  What season are you experiencing right now and what are you learning from it?

Until next time,

Cheers