Tag Archives: life

Jun29

A Bittersweet Symphony of Memories

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A Bittersweet Symphony of Memories

Father’s Day is always a bittersweet holiday for me since I lost my dad 13 years ago. For some reason, this Father’s Day seemed a little harder-maybe because as I create my annual post on Facebook, I realize each year the pictures are starting to become more repetitive. Repetitive because fresh photos and recent smiles no longer exist. Thoughts like that have been spinning around in my head these last few weeks and I have finally decided to put them down in writing.

It’s hard being an only child and loosing parents. You are the only one to remember all the “fun times” at home, the jokes amongst the three of you, the trips taken. When that person, or persons, are no longer around, who does one have to share laughs of times past? It is a lonely and disheartening experience to handle, especially given how close I was to my father and how much I want his memory to be talked about regularly. Thankfully I still have my mom in my life, but sharing memories can be a bit heartbreaking for her and sometimes it’s easier just to keep the conversations simple.

I realized in my weeks of mental meditation that my biggest difference with many people around me is my Dad’s legacy is different than most. He was a physician in the community for a long time, built up a pre-existing practice, and loved every minute he was able to spend caring for patients. But with physicians, interactions with people are considered a private relationship, and you can’t necessarily talk about it without violating personal privacies. Juxtapose this with other people in my life whose fathers owned and ran local businesses in the community, and now these individuals are involved or somehow connected to those businesses. These legacies are running strongly to this day, with portraits on the walls of their founders, and plaques commemorating successes over the years. Those fathers are constantly remembered and talked about openly in the community, so their memories, stories and accomplishments live vivaciously each and every day.

I have to seek out certain groups in the community who knew my Dad, either socially or through the medical field, in order to talk memories or express how much he is missed. And days, even weeks, go by before I get the chance to have that bone thrown my direction. So it makes it a sorrowful, yet unique, situation. Don’t get me wrong, I am not resentful in any manner towards my Dad for my own situation. It’s the card I was drawn from the deck of life. I just know that as I grow older and my kids become more involved in their own lives, I feel this need to keep his legacy going so they know what an amazing human being their grandfather was this side of Heaven. Their other grandfather was incredible too, but it is easier for them to know the stories, the history of his businesses, and how their father’s family has increased that presence in our hometown and beyond.

Part of the responsibility in remembering my Dad is on me, and I have to make a noted effort to bring up stories about my Dad, stories about my childhood (which means talking about myself some), and pulling out more photos from the old albums I have saved. It has been a bit easier since I recently went through all of my parents belongings and found boxes upon boxes of items telling situations about my Dad’s life, such as when he was in medical school, Vietnam, when he met my mom, his transition from general practice to radiology, and even his service during Desert Storm. Pictures, letters, and documents have helped me show my kids just how amazing my Dad was as a person, a doctor, and a father. The bond we had was unique, and I think I was placed in my father’s life at just the right time when he needed a daughter.

Legacies and memories go hand in hand, and how they are displayed, remembered, and carried forward are unique to each family. I want my Dad to have the best legacy by letting my kids know how I see parts of him in each of their personalities. How, even though he did not get to see them grow and prosper, he would be so very proud of how they are turning out. I want him to know, as his daughter, I strive every day to keep him alive in our household, and to make sure those who are special in my life know just how lucky I was to have this man as my Dad. It’s not always like that for daughters, and I know that more often than I care to say. It breaks my heart to hear of broken relationships between a father and a daughter because they are so unique. I wish I could change them all for the better.

As I sit and finish this piece, overlooking calming waters and thinking about my sweet Dad, I know he is with me always. If I could just get one more of his awesome bear hugs, life would be a bit sweeter.

Until next time,

Cheers

Apr8

I Choose Happy

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I Choose Happy

Today is a big day. It’s the total solar eclipse. And our area of the country is the hotbed of activity for it. Whatever your thoughts and feelings are about space, science, whether this is the end of days…just stop the chatter and get your special glasses and go witness one of God’s beautiful phenomenons. Stop and take a moment to appreciate something bigger than you. And this is where I lead into my next post. It involves choosing. Because one of our gifts from above is the power of Choice.

Again, I woke up this morning just letting my brain ramble on with different ideas, and this one idea kept repeating itself: I Choose Happy. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, so I knew it was going to become a post. For those of you who know me personally, you know my biggest thing I am apparently known for is the absolute loudest, probably most obnoxious laugh for someone who is 5′ 2″ tall. But I can’t change it, and it was one of the things my late father loved the most about me. So in 40 something years, I have learned to embrace it wholeheartedly.

It brings me to the idea rambling in my brain this morning of choosing happy. I am not even sure the birds were chirping. I kept rolling it over and over in my mind. It made me truly contemplate about the choice I make each day to choose Happy. In the world we live in, it’s so easy to go negative. To see the bad in things. To turn on the T.V. and hear how awful the world is, and the people who inhabit it. It’s a choice. It’s a mindset. And it’s power.

The human brain is a huge, mushy mess of muscle and nerves that needs to be “trained” on a daily basis. It needs stimulation, guidance, and it needs us as much as we need it to survive and be functional. So why not train for something more positive? Why not try and see the best in the world, and not focus so much on why things are terrible. I can easily wake up each morning and think, “yuck, it looks cold. The clouds are coming in so I bet it rains.” But what if I “choose” to see the clouds as a sign for rain that we probably need, or a calm serenity in nature that means today will be chill. I might even get to read a book because it’s raining outside. I choose the Happy.

I also understand there are two sides to this notion of happiness. And our circumstances can easily suck it out of us in an instant. Sometimes it’s hard to be happy. Emotions, hormones, life in general, can all take away our happiness too quickly. So we have to fight for that feeling of goodness and find a way to smile. It’s literally the one thing which can change a mood, stop a fight, plow over feelings of despair. The choices we make in life can also make or break our happiness. Shouldn’t we try and train our brains to make decisions which can change the course of our lives? Think about it this way, we have a TON of muscles in our face. As we age, those muscles definitely make their presence more known. My mom always said she would rather have wrinkles from laughing than frowning. And I can’t agree more with that amazing statement. So I do, I choose laughter, I choose the Happy so one day my kids will see my wrinkles from laughing instead of frowning.

Laughter can change a mood in the room. It can change the way a crowd feels in a split second. We have all been in situations where sadness is everywhere and it feels heavy, like a soaked horse blanket. Then suddenly someone remembers something happy and good that takes away the negative emotions of the moment and brings in a small ray of light and laughter. It’s like a breath of fresh spring air filling your lungs with hope and promise. It’s the Happy we all so desperately need.

I love quotes and I always like to write my favorites down in my journals and on my laptop. So here is one of the quotes I have recently stumbled upon that may be my new mantra in life:

” A day without laughter is a day wasted.” –Charlie Chaplin

Choose the Happy. Go enjoy the eclipse with the rest of the world. And remember to find something today to make you smile.

Until next time,

Cheers

Mar20

You Try, I Try, We all Try

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You Try, I Try, We all Try

Have you ever thought about the word “try?” It’s a simple word, no vowels needed, but the power it holds is immense. I woke up early this morning thinking about this word and how it molds and shapes my life. It’s impactful because it’s used every single day by pretty much most of us walking this earth.

When we use the word “try” in a sentence, it tells our audience we are forcing an action of sorts. We can “try” and do better with our jobs. We can “try” and do better with our relationships. We can “try” and do better with who we are and how we live. But the one common thread that runs through any of these scenarios is the type of action taken which causes us to change who and what we are in life. But what if we thought of a different word, one that only has two letters. One that actually uses a consonant and a vowel to show action. What if we focused on the word “Be?”

One of my favorite verses in the Bible from the book of Psalms is “Be Still and know I am God.” In this one simple phrase God is not telling us to “Try” and know Him. He is telling us to stop, in whatever we are doing, in whomever we are as a person, in whatever facet of life we find ourselves, and simply “be.” It’s so impactful when you put the two words together because it shows just how much merit we hold in one word versus the other. And yet, if we just worked on the shortest one, life might behold a more feasible solution.

The word “try” tells us to be better, to do better, because at that moment we hold failure. I never truly understood the negativity that can come from something so simple until I found myself constantly using it on my own person. I failed at this, so I must “try” and change. I am constantly doing this wrong, so I must “try” and find a different solution. I need to “try” and reach higher to better myself. We see this interpersonal conversation with so many things in life. Think about athletes on any level, amateur or professional, and see how often the word “try” is intwined in their daily routine. “Try” harder to make the play, to beat your time, to win the game. We create such a negative connotation for something that could be intended for the positive. Maybe that is why I feel the word “be” should be used more in life.

I know it won’t fit every scenario for those of you out there living in a “this or that,” “right or wrong,” “black or white” kind of world, and you most likely disagree with what I am saying. But for those of us that live in shades of grey, who realize not everything is so concrete, the way we use these two words can change EVERYTHING. It can change how we view ourselves, how we love ourselves and the imperfect way God created us by simply “being” instead of always “trying.”

So as you move through your day today, and every day forward, I just want you to simply think about these two words and how you allow them to shape your life. Because sometimes if you don’t stop and “be” you will continue to always search for the “try.”

Until next time,

Cheers

Mar11

Pieces of the Puzzle

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Pieces of the Puzzle

I have always loved to work puzzles. They are something you can enjoy alone or with others, and it’s also a great way to share conversations. Puzzles are one of those things that can be joyful and overly frustrating all in the same moment. A few weeks ago, I woke up thinking about relationships and suddenly I made a juxtaposition between puzzle pieces and various interconnections we have in life. To me, puzzles and relationships mimic each other in a unique sense. It can fit any kind of kinship we have, from our parents and friends to significant others and family members. Both create a kind of imagery to life when interlocked into specific places and patterns.

Brand new and straight out of the box, puzzle pieces seem to fit perfectly together when correctly locked into place. As time moves forward, and the puzzle is put through the test of being locked together and unlocked, the edges of the pieces begin to show wear and tear. They begin to not fasten as tightly and perfectly into place. Puzzle pieces get bent and the edges start to peel away from its cardboard base. Age, environment, or the amount of chances the puzzle is completed all play a part in how each unique piece can withstand time.

I see relationships harboring much of the same characteristics as a puzzle piece. When new and freshly unwrapped, the people in the relationship seem to fit perfectly together. But outside forces, life tragedies, or even personal change, can all play a part in how those relationships continue to link together over time. The final image can get muddled and skewed because each corner of the relationship piece becomes frayed and warped.

So how do you find a way to make the puzzle work when it becomes worn? Do you try and glue down the edges so they appear to look like they can form a perfect picture? Do you open a fresh box, being more mindful of how the pieces are treated? Or in some cases, do you put the puzzle together once, enjoying the beautiful picture and then glue it all together so it never comes apart?

The more times we do a puzzle the less we pay attention to how the pieces interlock, causing irregularity and disfigurement. As in a relationship, you can’t force pieces to connect together if they are not perfectly cut to match. And the bigger the puzzle, the more pieces there are to decipher through and make that perfect fit. In this essence it’s easy to see how we struggle with our own puzzle pieces in life. We may find some fit easily and perfectly together, forming the intended picture displayed on the box. Other puzzles are frustrating and complicated and cause us to force pieces together which appear to match, but realistically are off by a hairline cut. Those are the puzzles we often work the hardest on and sometimes the picture-perfect image is made and in other instances the challenge is too much and we end up throwing the pieces back in the box and shelving it permanently.

So the next time you find yourself in a “puzzling” situation, think about the pieces that create the image. There can be hundreds or thousands of pieces needed to make whatever picture you are trying to create. Perhaps if we viewed all relationships like we view a puzzle, the world would interlock more easily and a beautiful image would be the picture-perfect outcome.

Until next time,

Cheers.

Sep15

Cracks of Imperfection

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I love to run outside.  There is something therapeutic and detoxifying about running with nature all around you.  With music pumping in my ears and the wind in my face, a cacophony of melodies one can’t find on a treadmill is suddenly formed all around me.

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The other day I was running, and when I do run I let my mind open up freely to explore all kinds of thoughts and feelings. One thing that kept popping up in my brain was all the cracks and crevices I run beside on the streets.  It made me think of how we, as in our inner self, are cracked in just the same way as that pavement.  Pressures of life often break through our concrete wall of self-assurance and positivity.  We are all imperfect people striving to lead a perfect life, and along the way we acquire some pretty big potholes to show for it.  But there is beauty in those imperfections too.  They are learning curves, they are life experiences, they are tears of pain and joy.  But most of all they are the things that make us who we are today, right now.

Self-Reflection is one of the healthiest things we can do for ourselves because it permits us to look at those “cracks” we have made over time, see the good, the bad, and the ugly with them, then try and heal from it.  Whatever you see when you look in the mirror, whatever “cracks” you have staring back at you, know that those are teachable moments in life.  They might be mistakes made or things that happen to us which are out of our control.  But remember that Love and Hope are greater powers than Negativity and Self-Destruction.  Know that something higher out there is holding you up (for me that is Jesus), helping you along the way through this crazy thing we call “Life.”

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(Photo by Becca Lavin on Unsplash)

So the next time you see a large crack in the pavement, recognize what it took to get there.  And relish in the fact that, even though the crack exist, the Foundation is still standing strong and holding up to the environment around it.

 

Until next time,

Cheers

Mar28

The Juxtaposition of Jesus’ Love

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Do you have a favorite wall in your house, apartment, room, or whatever?  A wall that displays pictures, paintings, or trinkets of some kind which hold value to you?  I have a favorite wall in my house.  It’s in my kitchen and I catch myself stopping to look at it every once in a while.  Adorning the wall are pictures of me with my parents, my kids, my husband, and his extended family.  It also has a framed collage of wine labels I have drunk with my dad in years past.  And to round it out is one of my favorite bible verses, Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God.”

I love this wall because I feel it describes me, the things I cherish in this world, and the memories I have to hold onto for the rest of my life.  As we are knee-deep in Holy Week, I have given thought to a lot of messages on the love of Jesus and how it is THE most important thing in this world.  And I completely agree with this-I know it to be true. Sometimes it is so hard for our human minds to even fathom that kind of love, but I am learning to trust in it and to follow it whole-heartedly.  I sometimes feel like my children, who learn religion in school every day.  I am taking faith one day at the time, learning to not overwhelm myself.  Not growing up in a house that attended church regularly, sometimes the concepts I hear coming from scripture boggle my gray matter.  So I do this; I journal and flesh things out on my laptop.

I have heard some preach before how things in this world are just that, things.  They are objects we can’t take with us to Heaven.  Spending too much time focusing on them separates us from Jesus because we open ourselves up to harboring love and adoration for simple objects.  And apparently the same can be said of the relationships we hold close with people.  They do not come before our relationship with Jesus Christ.  So as I look upon my favorite wall and gaze on those things I do hold dear in this world, I find myself wondering how am I supposed to separate those loves?  How do I distinguish between the love I have for Jesus and the love I have for my family?  Are they one in the same?  Am I loving one more than the other?  Do I feel Jesus gets angered when we extol love for those blessings He gives us?

No, I don’t think He gets upset, but I do find myself constantly thinking about how I am supposed to reflect upon this notion.  It becomes a cycle, much like the convection cycle my daughter is learning about in science class right now.

This process stirred last night in my head as I again passed by my favorite wall after cleaning up dinner.  And then I realized I am not being forced to choose here.  I am not being forced to love one over the other.  Instead, I am to know that my blessings bestowed on me are given BY Jesus.  It is my responsibility to acknowledge thanks and praise for the “objects,” it is my duty as a parent to raise my children in a Christ-centered home, and it is by grace that I have so many wonderful memories to smile fondly upon, especially when some of those people are no longer with me on earth.  The love of Jesus endures for me because of what He did this particular week.

As I tend to do, I get encompassed in thought and over-analyze myself.  It’s what made me so good at figuring out the meaning behind speeches, books, etc., in college.  But just when I get too close to the edge, something in me stirs and says to “Be still and know that I am God,” so don’t make a mountain out of a molehill.  You see now why that’s my favorite verse because it keeps me grounded, makes me stop and listen instead of barreling ahead with ideas and notions.

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If you are celebrating Holy Week this month, perhaps you can relate to this constant internal struggle when it comes to growing in faith and growing in knowing ourselves.  If not, this can certainly be applicable to other areas of spirituality.  Because, you see, we all have moments in life that make us stop and ponder, no matter what spiritual place we call home.  If we are really looking through the right lens of life, we should see our kismet, or destiny, a little bit clearer.

Until next time,
Cheers