Tag Archives: Love

Jun29

A Bittersweet Symphony of Memories

Posted on by
Standard
A Bittersweet Symphony of Memories

Father’s Day is always a bittersweet holiday for me since I lost my dad 13 years ago. For some reason, this Father’s Day seemed a little harder-maybe because as I create my annual post on Facebook, I realize each year the pictures are starting to become more repetitive. Repetitive because fresh photos and recent smiles no longer exist. Thoughts like that have been spinning around in my head these last few weeks and I have finally decided to put them down in writing.

It’s hard being an only child and loosing parents. You are the only one to remember all the “fun times” at home, the jokes amongst the three of you, the trips taken. When that person, or persons, are no longer around, who does one have to share laughs of times past? It is a lonely and disheartening experience to handle, especially given how close I was to my father and how much I want his memory to be talked about regularly. Thankfully I still have my mom in my life, but sharing memories can be a bit heartbreaking for her and sometimes it’s easier just to keep the conversations simple.

I realized in my weeks of mental meditation that my biggest difference with many people around me is my Dad’s legacy is different than most. He was a physician in the community for a long time, built up a pre-existing practice, and loved every minute he was able to spend caring for patients. But with physicians, interactions with people are considered a private relationship, and you can’t necessarily talk about it without violating personal privacies. Juxtapose this with other people in my life whose fathers owned and ran local businesses in the community, and now these individuals are involved or somehow connected to those businesses. These legacies are running strongly to this day, with portraits on the walls of their founders, and plaques commemorating successes over the years. Those fathers are constantly remembered and talked about openly in the community, so their memories, stories and accomplishments live vivaciously each and every day.

I have to seek out certain groups in the community who knew my Dad, either socially or through the medical field, in order to talk memories or express how much he is missed. And days, even weeks, go by before I get the chance to have that bone thrown my direction. So it makes it a sorrowful, yet unique, situation. Don’t get me wrong, I am not resentful in any manner towards my Dad for my own situation. It’s the card I was drawn from the deck of life. I just know that as I grow older and my kids become more involved in their own lives, I feel this need to keep his legacy going so they know what an amazing human being their grandfather was this side of Heaven. Their other grandfather was incredible too, but it is easier for them to know the stories, the history of his businesses, and how their father’s family has increased that presence in our hometown and beyond.

Part of the responsibility in remembering my Dad is on me, and I have to make a noted effort to bring up stories about my Dad, stories about my childhood (which means talking about myself some), and pulling out more photos from the old albums I have saved. It has been a bit easier since I recently went through all of my parents belongings and found boxes upon boxes of items telling situations about my Dad’s life, such as when he was in medical school, Vietnam, when he met my mom, his transition from general practice to radiology, and even his service during Desert Storm. Pictures, letters, and documents have helped me show my kids just how amazing my Dad was as a person, a doctor, and a father. The bond we had was unique, and I think I was placed in my father’s life at just the right time when he needed a daughter.

Legacies and memories go hand in hand, and how they are displayed, remembered, and carried forward are unique to each family. I want my Dad to have the best legacy by letting my kids know how I see parts of him in each of their personalities. How, even though he did not get to see them grow and prosper, he would be so very proud of how they are turning out. I want him to know, as his daughter, I strive every day to keep him alive in our household, and to make sure those who are special in my life know just how lucky I was to have this man as my Dad. It’s not always like that for daughters, and I know that more often than I care to say. It breaks my heart to hear of broken relationships between a father and a daughter because they are so unique. I wish I could change them all for the better.

As I sit and finish this piece, overlooking calming waters and thinking about my sweet Dad, I know he is with me always. If I could just get one more of his awesome bear hugs, life would be a bit sweeter.

Until next time,

Cheers

Mar5

How Fear Leads Into Grace

Posted on by
Standard
How Fear Leads Into Grace

I love the song, “If I Say,” by Mumford and Sons. This song speaks of love, loss, understanding, acceptance, and questions the human psyche. One of the most poignant quotes of this heartfelt song (to me) is, “The Soul survives, but peace you’ll never find…” How earth-shattering is that phrase, I ask you?

I have always struggled with the word “fear.” I have feared failure, feared death, feared love, feared loss, and the list just goes on and on. In the past, fear has affected my physical health, my mental health, and my ability to find my own truth. Fear has driven me to the edge of so many cliffs during the former part of my life, causing me to have missed out on so many great opportunities simply because I was “afraid.” Looking back now, I am regretful with myself for letting fear get the best of me, but I have also learned to find that silver lining in what I uncovered within me because I have worked so hard to eliminate fear as a ruling hand in my life.

Fear has commonly been used throughout time since the world saw its first ray of sunlight. It has been used to drive people to do unthinkable things in society. Fear has been used to evoke emotional reactions. And it’s been used to force people into negative situations. If you look at history, the world is filled with instances of how fear has been attributed to the actions and behaviors of others. From biblical times, to World Wars, and eventually within the height of social media, fear has been about control. It has been about ownership of someone or something else. It has been about controlling someone’s narrative in life. We see this today all over television and the internet. We also see it in personal relationships, domestic situations, and in countries trying to squash ideologies. Fear is one of the most negative emotions within the human spirit. Most are held in shackles to its immense presence, freezing the body in place. And yet, there are times when an individual can look fear in the face and find strength to push back.

l have spent a lot of time and effort learning to overcome fear in life. Between therapy sessions, self-help books, and countless scriptures, I have made headway into overcoming fear. But lately, it has reared its ugly head again. It has gripped me so hard at times, I feel my own breath stop. It has sent me into some of the darkest mental places to the point of making me physically ill the minute my eyes open in the morning. So how does one surface in the ocean of despair and find the light of calmness?

It begins with one word: Grace.

I have written before how grace is a true gift from Heaven. Grace is what we all need when we are trying to deal with fear, or any other emotion for that matter. It gives us the space we need to catch our breath, to sigh with relief and know peace can and will find its way towards us. Grace is the “golden ticket” because it embraces the faults and failures we experience in life, offering solace in the notion that we are imperfect individuals. We are all battling our own wars against things in this life. Grace allows us to have the freedom to become the victor, to make our personal surrender to our future and start anew with the next sunrise. Grace can bring calmness, or it can bring much needed change. Grace can lay a soothing hand in a moment of unthinkable despair because it provides space for healing. Grace is not about regret for things in the past, but more about letting go and learning to live again. Grace is about finding oneself at this point in life, and learning to love the newest spaces we end up encompassing.

I have had to learn how to welcome grace into my life. I have had to teach myself that mistakes and imperfections are some of the softest threads weaving themselves into the fabric of my soul. I have always told my children when they are upset about some sort of fear in their life how we are all going to mess up. There was only one perfect human to ever walk this earth, and He is guiding us each and every day through the mistakes we have made and will make because we are not perfect people. We are just trying to live the best we can with what we are given each day. Struggles are real for all of us, so remember no one person is exempt. That, my dear readers, is the beautiful web of life we weave each and every day. The relationships we forage create a sense of belonging to this notion that grace can get us through it together. It comes down to self-reflection and understanding how to accept imperfection. I hope reading my own struggles with fear and my newfound ability to accept grace into my life helps those of you out there fighting your own battles. Dust yourself off after the fall from your fear, and know you are not alone. You are amongst the rest of us still struggling everyday to find that “golden ticket” to mental wellbeing and personal peace.

I love quotes, and here are a few that I have saved to share with you:

“Be patient with yourself. You are growing stronger every day. The weight of the world will become lighter…and you will begin to shine brighter. Don’t give up.” -Robert Tew

“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.” -Steve Maraboli

“‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

Until next time,

Cheers

Jan16

Abandoning the Expectations of Others to Save Yourself

Posted on by
Standard
Abandoning the Expectations of Others to Save Yourself

I did a personality test last year at the encouragement of my therapist. For those of you who have never taken a personality test, I highly recommend it. My two favorites are Myers-Briggs and the Enneogram. The test I took this time was the Meyer-Briggs personality text, and I came out with a hard core E.N.F.P. personality score.

E.N.F.P. stands for Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving. When I read the descriptions, I wanted it tattooed all over my body so people would truly understand me to the fullest extent. I am a people person to the core, and have the ability to tell when others are hurting, anxious, or just “off.”

The problem I face with this personality is I often let way too many people into my personal “hula hoop,” which causes myself to become mentally drained quicker than most individuals. Another downfall to being an ENFP is the need to have approval and acceptance from others. It causes me to overthink situations and become overly emotional.

Understanding this about myself has truly been a blessing in disguise because it has helped me recognize the cracks in my own mental health. My mental health has taken a pretty big dive over the last few years, leading me into some dark spaces of self-loathing and despair. I chose to write about this and openly talk about it to highlight the importance of good mental health for society.

There is nothing shameful or degrading about admitting and understanding our own mental health struggles. It is quite the opposite, in fact. It shows strength of character to openly admit our mental struggles and weaknesses, and to be willing to ask for help in overcoming it. We have seen way too many people struggle with depression, suicidal thoughts, and destructive behaviors because of major cracks existing within our mental heath.

My journey of overcoming my mental health struggles has led me to tremendous self-growth and the ability to abandon the expectations of others without abandoning myself in the process. It has been a long hard two years of work on me, learning how to truly believe in myself and the person that beckons to be seen and heard at 45 years old.

Do I still draw strength and love from people around me? Absolutely. My tribe is strong and true to me, and they love me for the person I am inside my mind and heart. But, the biggest change I have seen is finding ways to draw strength from within, seek divine guidance, and continuously teaching myself ways to rely on ME and the strengths God has given me.

Learning how to give yourself personal high fives should be celebrated, not condoned. There is a huge difference between loving who you are and all God wants you to be versus total narcissistic behaviors. People are often too quick to judge others because they don’t recognize the difference. Perhaps it is because these individuals are too jaded by the world, ignorant and too accepting of gossipy words, or just plain frightened of looking themselves in the mirror.

Mistakes are a part of life, and forgiveness and grace are true gifts from Heaven. So is the ability to let go of everyone’s expectations so you have the chance to see what your beautiful soul can accomplish. We are all just caterpillars wanting and learning how to become beautiful butterflies.

Until next time,

Cheers

Mar20

You Try, I Try, We all Try

Posted on by
Standard
You Try, I Try, We all Try

Have you ever thought about the word “try?” It’s a simple word, no vowels needed, but the power it holds is immense. I woke up early this morning thinking about this word and how it molds and shapes my life. It’s impactful because it’s used every single day by pretty much most of us walking this earth.

When we use the word “try” in a sentence, it tells our audience we are forcing an action of sorts. We can “try” and do better with our jobs. We can “try” and do better with our relationships. We can “try” and do better with who we are and how we live. But the one common thread that runs through any of these scenarios is the type of action taken which causes us to change who and what we are in life. But what if we thought of a different word, one that only has two letters. One that actually uses a consonant and a vowel to show action. What if we focused on the word “Be?”

One of my favorite verses in the Bible from the book of Psalms is “Be Still and know I am God.” In this one simple phrase God is not telling us to “Try” and know Him. He is telling us to stop, in whatever we are doing, in whomever we are as a person, in whatever facet of life we find ourselves, and simply “be.” It’s so impactful when you put the two words together because it shows just how much merit we hold in one word versus the other. And yet, if we just worked on the shortest one, life might behold a more feasible solution.

The word “try” tells us to be better, to do better, because at that moment we hold failure. I never truly understood the negativity that can come from something so simple until I found myself constantly using it on my own person. I failed at this, so I must “try” and change. I am constantly doing this wrong, so I must “try” and find a different solution. I need to “try” and reach higher to better myself. We see this interpersonal conversation with so many things in life. Think about athletes on any level, amateur or professional, and see how often the word “try” is intwined in their daily routine. “Try” harder to make the play, to beat your time, to win the game. We create such a negative connotation for something that could be intended for the positive. Maybe that is why I feel the word “be” should be used more in life.

I know it won’t fit every scenario for those of you out there living in a “this or that,” “right or wrong,” “black or white” kind of world, and you most likely disagree with what I am saying. But for those of us that live in shades of grey, who realize not everything is so concrete, the way we use these two words can change EVERYTHING. It can change how we view ourselves, how we love ourselves and the imperfect way God created us by simply “being” instead of always “trying.”

So as you move through your day today, and every day forward, I just want you to simply think about these two words and how you allow them to shape your life. Because sometimes if you don’t stop and “be” you will continue to always search for the “try.”

Until next time,

Cheers

Mar11

Pieces of the Puzzle

Posted on by
Standard
Pieces of the Puzzle

I have always loved to work puzzles. They are something you can enjoy alone or with others, and it’s also a great way to share conversations. Puzzles are one of those things that can be joyful and overly frustrating all in the same moment. A few weeks ago, I woke up thinking about relationships and suddenly I made a juxtaposition between puzzle pieces and various interconnections we have in life. To me, puzzles and relationships mimic each other in a unique sense. It can fit any kind of kinship we have, from our parents and friends to significant others and family members. Both create a kind of imagery to life when interlocked into specific places and patterns.

Brand new and straight out of the box, puzzle pieces seem to fit perfectly together when correctly locked into place. As time moves forward, and the puzzle is put through the test of being locked together and unlocked, the edges of the pieces begin to show wear and tear. They begin to not fasten as tightly and perfectly into place. Puzzle pieces get bent and the edges start to peel away from its cardboard base. Age, environment, or the amount of chances the puzzle is completed all play a part in how each unique piece can withstand time.

I see relationships harboring much of the same characteristics as a puzzle piece. When new and freshly unwrapped, the people in the relationship seem to fit perfectly together. But outside forces, life tragedies, or even personal change, can all play a part in how those relationships continue to link together over time. The final image can get muddled and skewed because each corner of the relationship piece becomes frayed and warped.

So how do you find a way to make the puzzle work when it becomes worn? Do you try and glue down the edges so they appear to look like they can form a perfect picture? Do you open a fresh box, being more mindful of how the pieces are treated? Or in some cases, do you put the puzzle together once, enjoying the beautiful picture and then glue it all together so it never comes apart?

The more times we do a puzzle the less we pay attention to how the pieces interlock, causing irregularity and disfigurement. As in a relationship, you can’t force pieces to connect together if they are not perfectly cut to match. And the bigger the puzzle, the more pieces there are to decipher through and make that perfect fit. In this essence it’s easy to see how we struggle with our own puzzle pieces in life. We may find some fit easily and perfectly together, forming the intended picture displayed on the box. Other puzzles are frustrating and complicated and cause us to force pieces together which appear to match, but realistically are off by a hairline cut. Those are the puzzles we often work the hardest on and sometimes the picture-perfect image is made and in other instances the challenge is too much and we end up throwing the pieces back in the box and shelving it permanently.

So the next time you find yourself in a “puzzling” situation, think about the pieces that create the image. There can be hundreds or thousands of pieces needed to make whatever picture you are trying to create. Perhaps if we viewed all relationships like we view a puzzle, the world would interlock more easily and a beautiful image would be the picture-perfect outcome.

Until next time,

Cheers.

Feb11

Listen to Your Heart

Posted on by
Standard

Okay, I’m not talking about the song by Roxette. I’m talking about, “if your heart could speak, what would it say?”

I think we forget how important our hearts our to our health, and not just in the physical capacity. It’s important in the mental capacity too. The human heart is the beginning for a lot of things in life-how we feel, what we think, the way we live, and even our ability to lead others. When our hearts are out of balance, our entire being becomes out of balance.

This weekend I attended a Christian women’s conference called the “If: Gathering.” This conference covered a lot of areas that affect women, from recognizing our self-worth, to understand our heart, and it was all based within an awe-inspiring spiritual platform that was extremely motivational. Our spirituality, however it presents itself in us, determines the way our heart functions. Spirituality is so important when it comes to listening to our hearts. So this weekend I listened to mine over and over again. I listened to what Jesus was trying to say to my own heart. That I am worth it, that He loves me, and that I need to play closer attention to my heart. I need to do this because everything flows from our hearts. I feel like I need to type this again…EVERYTHING FLOWS FROM OUR HEARTS.

When we guard our heart, we implement a protection mechanism against the world around us. But we also have to be very careful that we don’t shut things off completely and isolate our hearts. How we think about ourselves, or our ability at self-awareness, can change our entire biological make-up. It is the mind-body connection we hear often about from health guru’s like Deepak Chopra.

Have you ever thought about happiness? Did you know that just by being around someone who is a happy person, you increase your own happiness by 15%? And if that happy person you are around chooses to surround themselves with happy people, regardless if you come into contact with them or not, you can increase your personal happiness by another 10%? Crazy, right? But Deepak Chopra has the science to back this after years of studying well-being and the mind-body connection to this concept. So as I sat in this conference for two days, surrounded by people who were filled with the love of Jesus, of course I felt that energy inside me!

Americans tend to hold onto existential happiness, meaning we might feel happy right now in this monument, but we tend to focus on how miserable we could feel an hour from now, or how unhappy we were in our youth. And that doesn’t bode well for the heart because that type of happiness isn’t deep and it isn’t genuine. To change our ability for our hearts to remain healthy, we have to change our thinking. Again, it’s a mind-body connection that can make our break our health.

So what can you do to begin listening to your own heart? The first step is to be open to change. Be open to the idea that you have the power to transform how your brain functions. Nothing is set in stone, and you, my friend, are in the pilot’s seat. Find your spiritual ground and let that love and acceptance pour into your own heart. Never underestimate the power of Spirituality. I never underestimate Jesus, and when I stop and listen, it blows me away how He impacts my heart.

Break negative patterns that bring you down and place a blanket of heaviness over your heart. Negativity and anxiety will tear down a healthy body brick by brick if you allow it. Examine your relationships and find people to be around who are happy. I’m not talking about existential happy, I’m talking about that person that can sense the joy in just about anything. They CHOOSE happiness, and by surrounding yourself within their positive energy, you too can become happier. It’s okay to let relationships go that pull you down. Sometimes it’s the healthiest and safest thing we can do to guard our heart.

Our bodies are information and energy fields, so how we process information and where we place ourselves in life can and will determine our body’s ability to be healthy, balanced, and happy. Loving up on others creates happiness within us; giving attention and appreciation to another person will automatically induce happy hormones within your body. So go out today and just pay someone a compliment out of the blue. See how their facial muscles change in an instant. You will reap the benefits, I promise.

Our hearts are something we need to guard and protect because it determines the path our health can follow. But we also need to recognize when it’s okay to let it open and let people in. Let in love and happiness, find ways to fill your mind with things that will leave a lasting impression on your heart, not just a temporary sense of elation. Once you begin to listen to your heart, I believe you will be amazed by the way your body responds.

Until next time,

Cheers

Sep15

Cracks of Imperfection

Posted on by
Standard

fullsizeoutput_8cb6

 

I love to run outside.  There is something therapeutic and detoxifying about running with nature all around you.  With music pumping in my ears and the wind in my face, a cacophony of melodies one can’t find on a treadmill is suddenly formed all around me.

IMG_5455

The other day I was running, and when I do run I let my mind open up freely to explore all kinds of thoughts and feelings. One thing that kept popping up in my brain was all the cracks and crevices I run beside on the streets.  It made me think of how we, as in our inner self, are cracked in just the same way as that pavement.  Pressures of life often break through our concrete wall of self-assurance and positivity.  We are all imperfect people striving to lead a perfect life, and along the way we acquire some pretty big potholes to show for it.  But there is beauty in those imperfections too.  They are learning curves, they are life experiences, they are tears of pain and joy.  But most of all they are the things that make us who we are today, right now.

Self-Reflection is one of the healthiest things we can do for ourselves because it permits us to look at those “cracks” we have made over time, see the good, the bad, and the ugly with them, then try and heal from it.  Whatever you see when you look in the mirror, whatever “cracks” you have staring back at you, know that those are teachable moments in life.  They might be mistakes made or things that happen to us which are out of our control.  But remember that Love and Hope are greater powers than Negativity and Self-Destruction.  Know that something higher out there is holding you up (for me that is Jesus), helping you along the way through this crazy thing we call “Life.”

becca-lavin-739417-unsplash

(Photo by Becca Lavin on Unsplash)

So the next time you see a large crack in the pavement, recognize what it took to get there.  And relish in the fact that, even though the crack exist, the Foundation is still standing strong and holding up to the environment around it.

 

Until next time,

Cheers

Dec2

Rediscovering the Meaning of Christmas

Posted on by
Standard

 

640031_w650

Driving home tonight on a December evening, the night is so clear and beautiful, I notice the stars above. Looking quickly through my windshield, since the road I am driving is a two-lane highway, it makes me remember days I stood outside at night with my dad and surveyed the different constellations in the sky. My father loved the stars and when we stood outside at night to let the dogs outside for one last potty break he would tell me different names for each one in the sky. Now when I look at the sky I always think of him. I know the Big Dipper is part of Orion’s belt and where to find Venus on a clear evening. I didn’t know the stars like he did, and in actuality, he probably didn’t know that many. But he was my dad and he knew the world. It didn’t matter if what my dad told me was wrong because he was there with me sharing something new and wonderful about my environment.

December is a wonderful time of the year. Everyone seems to be hopped up on the holiday cheer. I try and remember what it means to be a part of the holidays because the people around me love it so much. But inwardly this time of year is a bit hard. Just for the simple fact that my family is so different and there are huge chunks missing at our Christmas tables. But I know now I have to think on a bigger scale when it comes to Christmas and the holiday spirit. There is something greater in the world than my heartache and happiness. Is that not what this time of year means? To think outside of oneself and focus on others because no matter how awful things might seem to us, there is always something far worse and far harsher.

I looked at those stars tonight on the way home and realized my daughter sleeping soundly in the backseat deserved more than my own heartache. She deserved the belief I still have inside for a great Christmas. She deserves to know the love and friendship I grew up with around the holidays. Wrapping gifts, gathering to laugh and reminisce, those are memories my children need to have in their hearts. They need to experience the joy and love that comes from serving and helping others that need a lift in life. I suddenly realized tonight while driving how important it is for my own children to see me enjoy the holidays. They don’t know the true hurt that can come from an ugly world. Their family is intact and safe. Their life is still pretty sheltered in the idea that a large guy in a red suit is going to fulfill their every wish on Christmas morning. But is that really the true meaning of Christmas? Finding the perfect gift? I have already stressed about what to buy whom this year and it boggles my mind that I need to focus so much on the material aspect of the Christmas season when I really need to be focused on something much bigger. Christmas was not designed around the largest gift under the tree. It was created thanks to the birth of a sweet baby boy who saved the world from itself.

Thanks to those stars in the sky tonight, I realized while driving my daughter home that I need to open my mind and heart up to something more. I will always miss those holes in my heart, but the ones I loved and lost wouldn’t want their absence to take away from anyone’s happiness. I need to realize that Christmas is not about finding the perfect gift or fulfilling a quota. It is about finding a person to love and help. It is about being kind and understanding to one another. The holidays can be stressful enough without all the added materialistic and narcissistic aspects of today’s world. Think about Zu Zu’s petals in “It’s a Wonderful Life” and what they meant to George. It was a representation of how good life can be without all the fluff. So go focus on YOUR stars in the night sky and find what YOU believe in to make this holiday season a memorable one for yourself and for your family.

Merry Christmas and Holiday Cheers!

img_0431

img_1108